All Hail Readiness

Sorry it's been a while kids. I know I've been busy, but it's hard to remember what I've actually done. That happens a lot. You two, however, continue to impress. The other night your mom and I just sat around feeling her belly until one or the other of you kicked us in the hand. Then one of us would look and the other and very excitedly say, "Did you feel that?" and the other would very excitedly answer, "I totally felt that!" We're very simple people. We also enjoy watching our microwave make popcorn.

My new favorite question is, "So, are you ready yet?" Wherever I go people seem to feel obligated to ask me that the way you'll discover grandparents feel obligated to ask eight year olds, "How's school?" I'm not really sure how they expect me to answer, but lately I say, "well, it's kind of like being on Death Row. Are you ever really ready?" That usually prevents any follow up questions, but it doesn't mean it's not true. In either case it's something you know is going to happen, you know when it's going to happen, and you know that nothing is going to be the same when it does. One day you're just one thing, and then another day, you're not. Of course, inmates can get a call from the governor. I'm kind of on my own.

I know about the books and the classes and the everything else, but I haven't seen anything titled Sleep Deprivation: It's Not That Bad, or Poop Is Awesome: You've Just Been Smelling It Wrong, so I'm skeptical about just how prepared they can make you. I think the hard parts are probably just hard. Obviously people have been pulling this off for quite some time, and in so far as I'm a member of my species, yes, I'm totally ready. But being bipedal and largely hairless looks like it might make up the majority of my preparation, so you should know what you;re getting into. Looking at it what way I can tell the next person who asks me that I was, in fact, born ready.

Actually, I was thinking maybe we could all strike some sort of deal to make this whole readiness question moot. Personally, I think things are awesome the way they are. We see you once a week, we take you everywhere, yet you sleep when we sleep, eat when we eat, and I haven't had to figure out where Nickelodeon and the Disney channel are. It's like you're away at a top notch boarding school, only the tuition is free and no one calls us to complain when you won't stop kicking each other. I think this might be our golden era as a family. Let's not just rush through it. I know you had your hearts set on this spring, but what if you take a year, possibly two, relax, get some perspective, and then maybe think about coming out. Backpacking around Europe is played, the womb is the next place to spend time finding yourself.

Of course we both know you're going to ignore my advice, and I'm sure that will just be the first of many, many times. So rest assured that I may not know how to hold a bottle, or change a diaper, or have any idea who the hell Miley is, but between you and me, I'm confident that when someone finally puts you in my arms I will be ready.

Just not a minute before.

Novel - Ch14
Dunking - 29
French - Je ne suis pas prepare.