Names You Might Be Subjected To

The worst thing about becoming a parent is looking at parents who annoy the hell out of you and realizing that it may only be your lack of a child that separates you from becoming them. To wit, we're trying to cook up a name for you, and in doing so we've stumbled on an unbelievably annoying and pretentious trend. It goes like this. You ask expecting parents if they've been thinking about names. They say yes, they've settled on something. You ask what it is. They say they're keeping it a secret.

I can only think of two reasons for this. One, they're terrified that you're going to steal the name. Perhaps they've seen that Seinfeld episode where George loses Seven one too many times. Two, they think you care. It's the name of a soon to be poop machine, not an Oscar nomination. If you think people are marking their calendars in anticipation of this holy revelation, you are grossly mistaken.

Parents in general make the mistake of thinking that other people care about their kids. I can relate. It took me a long time to figure out that no one else was impressed with pictures of my cat holding a pair of cards like he was Johnny Chan. But I did figure it out. Be sure to remind me of that when you see me getting ready to mass email pictures of your first stool.

Anyway, about your name. I've been pushing for Bear. Your mom hates this. I've simply started referring to you as Bear while in utero in the hopes that it will either become less grating or too entrenched to change. After Bear, the leading contenders are Jackson (apparently where you hopped on the train), Nixon, Ripley, Finn, Ranger, and Merritt. There's not really a, 'if it's a girl / if it's a boy scenario'. It seems likely that you'll just get stuck with a lengthy combination of our favorites regardless of what your sex organs reveal. For me, this is the best thing about your imminent arrival. It's like naming a band and knowing that elementary school teachers will have to ask if it's present for years to come.

Bear Nixon Ripley Killen? Are you eating paste again?
Damn right.

Novel - Outlining
Dunking - Almost walking normally
French - Mon tete hurts